Glorfindel's School for Gifted Elflings
by Lily Lindsey-Aubrey
Summary: Ok, so the picture has nothing to do with the story. I just googled 'Elf School' and that's what came up. Ahem... Glorfindel is coerced into teaching Rivendell Elementary. Inevitably, chaos ensues. It so happens that the twins don't like Glorfindel... Please read and review!
1. Glorfindel's Doom Approaches

**Chapter 1. Glorfindel's Doom Approaches**

'Lord Glorfindel,' said Elrond, rushing down the corridor towards the individual to whom he called. 'I must needs ask your assistance.'

'Yes, milord?' said Glorfindel, beaming. He didn't feel like beaming, but being who he was, he thought it his duty.

'You know of course that the school year starts next month,' Elrond wheezed, trying to catch his breath. He'd been trying to catch up to Glorfindel for several minutes.

'Does it?' mused the blonde Elf. 'I'd forgotten.' He smiled apologetically and said in what he hoped was a hinting manner, 'You see, I haven't been in a school in _so many_ years...'

'Yes; well, it does,' said Elrond, who never was very good at taking hints. 'And here is where we have a problem. You see, our schoolmaster has gone and killed himself in a small skirmish with some Wargs, and now the pupils have no one to teach them.'

Glorfindel began to see the light. Or, rather, the darkness; or rather, the light at the end of the tunnel, that was a balrog heading straight for him.

'Oooooh,' he said, drawing the word out for much longer than needed. 'Ooooh. I seeeeeee...' Yes, he saw all too clearly. But he was brilliant, and could maneuver out of this situation. 'I suppose Erestor will have to take his place,' he said, tapping his front teeth fretfully. 'I'm sure he'll do the job perfectly. He's so… _scholarly_ and all...'

'Oh, Erestor can't do it,' said Elrond, rubbing his forehead nervously. 'I have other work for him to do. I'm going to have to ask you to do it.'

It must be confessed that at this point, Glorfindel panicked a little bit.

'Galdor?' he said quickly. 'Galdor could do it.'

'He throws knives too much,' said Elrond, sighing. 'Too dangerous.'

'Gildor?' said Glorfindel, even quicker, 'He's here around somewhere.'

'Too zoo-y,' objected Elrond, shaking his head.

'Haldir?' Glorfindel said quickest of all. 'He's intelligent!'

'He's in Lothlorien,' said Elrond. 'He's the Marchwarden there, remember?'

'Lindir!' Glorfindel squeaked. He was now scraping the bottom of the barrel. 'Lindir could!'

'Lindir my eye,' said Elrond. 'Lindir your face. Lindir- HA! Lindir could NOT do it.'

'Yes, he could,' Glorfindel insisted desperately. 'He totally could.'

Elrond facepalmed; then he stood next to Glorfindel and gestured vaguely at the empty space before the blonde Elf's eyes. 'Imagine,' he said. 'Picture this. Lindir, teacher of Rivendell elementary. The Entrance of Lindir. Lindir walks in, trailing butterfly nets and spare lyre strings; sits down at the desk, only to jump up again at the feeling of something squishy beneath him. Finds that it is a frog. Runs out of the classroom screaming. Lindir's attempt Number Two. Enter Lindir, trailing butterfly nets and sheet music. Sits down at desk with no mishap. Until he tries to get back up… Turns out there's glue on his chair. Lindir's attempt Number Three! Enter Lindir, trailing butterfly nets and slide trombones. Does not sit down. Tries to plot a straight line on a graph and straight line eventually morphs into a butterfly, due to indiscernible, inexplicable mental cogitations that no one can understand. See what I mean? I could go on.'

Glorfindel's 'Mind's Eye Cinema' was in prime condition, for he could see this all happening as if it really were playing out in front of him. The thought/sight did nothing to ease his horror of being a teacher in Rivendell Elementary.

'Obviously you are my best option,' Elrond concluded, having successfully and completely eradicated every thought of Lindir being a good teacher. 'You'll be paid the same monthly salary as the previous instructor, all fair and square. The term starts in thirty days' time, so prepare yourself. I'll brief you more specifically when the time is closer.' Elrond walked happily off, relieved that Glorfindel was not protesting.

Glorfindel was not protesting because he seemed glued to the spot upon which he stood. His tongue felt glued to the top of his mouth. This doesn't often happen to Glorfindel; he almost always knows what to say. But the thought of teaching Elflings did not- repeat DID NOT appeal to him at all.

AT ALL.

Glorfindel was a little traumatized, to say the least, but being an Elf to live in the moment, he decided to not worry about it until he actually had to deal with the situation. When that time came, he would simply tell Lord Elrond that he was unable to satisfy his expectations, and must need make for Valinor on the fastest boat. Ship. Thing. Eagle? Could he take an eagle?...

Glorfindel shook himself. I get distracted too easily, he chided himself.

Elrond, blissfully unaware of his friend's plot to desert him, sipped tea, watched Erestor sign books, and listened to Lindir tuning his lyre for the hundredth time that morning. 'Ah,' he sighed contentedly, 'With one so brilliant as Glorfindel teaching them, Elladan, Elrohir, and Estel will all have happy childhoods and wonderful educations.'

* * *

_A/N: Guys, guys, I have this amazing idea! I want to have a Fan Fiction Story Game! Has anyone played the story game? It's really fun. One person starts and writes part of a story. Then he sends it to the next person, and that person writes some more. Then, writer #2 sends JUST HIS part on to another person, and he writes another section, and it goes on like that through a whole bunch of people. It ends up hilarious usually. Does anyone want to do this? I have some volunteers already. PM me or review for more info and to tell me if you want to sign up! :)_


	2. Glorfindel Gains Determination

**Chapter 2. Glorfindel Gains Determination **

'Glorfindel!' yelled Elrond, rushing down the corridor towards the blonde Elf once again. Glorfindel started violently and whirled around; he had just decided that he'd better start packing for Valinor. The fated first day of school was fast approaching, and he didn't want anything keeping him in Rivendell over-long.

'What is it, my Lord Elrond?' he said, trying to sound courteous and yet impatient at the same time.

'Oh, Glorfindel,' said Elrond, wringing his hands, 'a tragedy has occurred. A tragedy, I tell you!'

'Relax, milord,' said Glorfindel, trying to appear anxious and cool simultaneously. 'What has happened? Are the twins maimed again?'

'No, oh no, much worse,' said Elrond, breathing heavily. 'The school-house has burned down!'

Glorfindel could feel a grin spread from one of his ears to the other. He, self-controlled Elf as he was, couldn't seem to hide it. 'I'm so sorry to hear that!' he exclaimed. He found himself wondering why he hadn't thought of doing that himself…

'I know,' Elrond said angstily. 'It's terrible. Now you shall have to use my private study to teach your class in!'

The two ends of Glorfindel's smile turned to dead weights, and dropped somehow until they rested at his chin. 'Oh, that's terrible,' he said, very, very sincerely. He had just assumed that school would be cancelled for a few years.

'And besides that,' whimpered Elrond, 'all the textbooks were burned with it. It's terrible… just terrible. I shall never recover from the shock.'

'Oh, dear,' said Glorfindel. The corners of his mouth had regained a little of their dignity and now resided at a happy medium between his chin and his ears, as mouth-corners are supposed to do. He felt his spirit lifting a little, in spite of everything, because if the textbooks were burned then Erestor would have to write new ones. And that would be nice to see; Erestor slaving away over books he had no interest in writing.

'I'm very sorry-' Elrond was saying, when Glorfindel emerged from his mental revelry. "-and all that, but I've simply got no one else to do it. We've talked over before why I have no other options. I didn't mean for you to have to do this in the beginning, you know… just...'

'Wait, what?' said Glorfindel, his eyes growing round with foreboding.

'You're very smart,' Elrond went on, and as he spoke Glorfindel's eyes grew larger and rounder, until they rivaled the corners of his mouth for out-of-placement. 'I'm sure you'll write the new textbooks brilliantly. Thank you so much for your help, Glorfindel. I've decided to raise the wages a little, to show my gratitude.'

'I AM NOT WRITING TEXT BOOKS!' Glorfindel yelled suddenly. So suddenly, that Elrond jumped five- no six- feet in the air. (He was an Elvish pole-vaulter long ago, in his younger, less dignified days, although he doesn't like people to mention it. It is rumored that some unfortunate incident happened involving a bendy pole flinging him halfway across the stadium, but such rumors are not to be trusted, of course.)

'I'm sorry, Lord Elrond,' said Glorfindel, regaining his composure to some degree. 'I was just a little startled, that's all...'

'Well, that's good then,' said Elrond, raising his eyebrows. 'It's all settled. I suggest you begin instantly, because-'

'No!' cried Glorfindel. 'No, Lord Elrond, I am not writing any textbooks. Not today, not a hundred years from today. Never. Ever. Not if it means dying again. Not if it means having Balrog nightmares for the rest of my existence. Not if-'

'You are such a drama-queen,' said Elrond insultingly… At least Glorfindel thought it was insulting.

'That,' he sniffed, 'Was insulting.'

'You will write the book and you will enjoy it,' said Elrond haughtily.

'You just say that because you think you can boss everyone around!' shouted Glorfindel, finally giving up on his 'stay cool, don't upset Elven lords' creed. 'You're no better than me! Why don't you write the stupid textbook?'

'Because I told you to!' shouted Elrond. It's never a good idea to get in a yelling match with Elrond; he's very good at yelling. 'You and your snobbish ways! I could have killed ten balrogs in your place!'

'HA!' screeched Glorfindel. 'You, who couldn't even boot Isildur into the volcano! HA!'

'That's just hurtful, man,' said Elrond, frowning. 'It wasn't my fault.'

'I'll tell you what's your fault!' said Glorfindel, gesticulating wildly. 'T-'

Both Elves froze in mid motion; Glorfindel with his arms where they had been flailing and Elrond with his finger where it had been shaking at Glorfindel's nose.

Estel, with his thumb in his mouth (which now hung open in astonishment) stood in the corridor, looking on with horror, garnished with juicy relish.

'Uh, hi Estel,' said Glorfindel, smiling sweetly.

'Uh, hi son,' said Elrond, putting on his best adoring father face.

'Why are you yelling?' Estel asked, not taking his thumb out of his mouth.

'We weren't yelling,' said Elrond in a strained manner. 'We were having a… conversation. Discussion.'

'Why is Glorfy red in the face?' asked Estel.

'What? No. I'm not red in the face,' Glorfindel protested. 'Does it look bad?'

'Estel, go to bed,' said Elrond, trying to be severe. 'I told you to an hour ago.'

'Is Glorfy mad because Elladan and Elrohir burned down the schoolhouse?' he asked.

'They did?' said Glorfindel, frowning and looking at Elrond accusingly.

'Well...' said Elrond.

'I don't blame him for being mad,' Estel continued. 'They shouldn't have done it jus' because they didn't want Glorfy to teach 'em. I like Glorfy!'

'Wait...' said Glorfindel, trying to make his brain register what the child was saying. Elrond fidgeted nervously. 'Estel, are you saying that the twins burned down the school building just so that I wouldn't teach them?'

'Yes,' said Estel.

Glorfindel turned towards Elrond.

'It wasn't my fault!' said Elrond, biting his nails. 'They were very bad, and I gave them both a whipping. Don't blame me-'

'THOSE TWO LITTLE BRATS!' yelled Glorfindel. 'I'LL TEACH THEM. I'LL TEACH THEM NOT TO MEDDLE WITH BALROG SLAYERS!'

'You'll… teach them?' Elrond said hesitantly.

'Yes, I'll teach them!' Glorfindel roared. 'I'll teach them, just to pay them back! Where is paper? Where is ink? I will write a textbook they won't forget in a hurry! HA!'

Glorfindel stomped off, and it seemed to Elrond, that all Rivendell shook beneath his feet.

'Uh,' said Estel, taking his thumb out of his mouth.

'Estel, go to bed,' said Elrond in awe. When he thought Estel was out of earshot he did a little dance. 'Problem solved!' he cackled. 'Oh, thank you my sons, for getting your father out of a jam!'

'Whatcha gonna give us?' said Elladan, popping out from around the corner. 'Are you going to pay us?'

'NO!' Elrond yelled, and promptly sent them both to bed again. 'Now STAY there!' he shouted, before resuming his cackling.

* * *

_A/N: Rereading this after my wonderful beta, Rousdower (applause) sent it back, I was like, 'What on earth was I thinking while writing this chapter?' XD It's very strange in places... I must have just eaten something weird. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed. About the story game some of you participated in: our moderator, ccgaylord, is going to put it in a forum, I think, and I'll PM everyone what it's called so that we can read it. I haven't read it myself, yet, so I haven't much of an idea of what to expect... O.o _

_By the way- wait, no. Completely off topic, I just got a LiveJournal account, so if anyone wants to visit it, I have a link to it on my profile. :)_


	3. Glorfindel's Doom is Worse than Expected

**Chapter 3. Glorfindel's Doom is Worse than Expected**

Glorfindel wasn't around much for the next few weeks. Elrond presumed correctly that he was busily scribbling away at textbooks. He hoped that the finished product would actually make sense; but being rather busy about other things, he decided not to stress too much over it.

Erestor, on the other hand, did.

'Lord Elrond,' he said nervously, 'do you think making Glorfindel teach the children is the best thing?'

'Do you want to do it?' Elrond asked, lowering his eyebrows menacingly.

'No, milord,' Erestor said quickly. 'But surely there are others who could do it. We could hire Orophin or Rumil from Lorien...'

'Look, Erestor,' said Elrond, facepalming, 'Orophin would simply sit there in a zoo-y state the whole day, and Rumil would be too busy braiding his hair to get anything done. And no, no, no, we are not getting Celeborn to do it either.'

'Galion?' Erestor suggested. 'I think King Thranduil fired him last week; he'll be looking for a job… Or Feren.'

'Do not even mention Feren,' snapped Elrond, who didn't like that particular Elf in the least. 'No Elves from Mirkwood. No Thranduilions teaching my children!'

Erestor sighed resignedly. 'Very well, Lord Elrond,' he said, 'But I must say, I'm very concerned for them. Glorfindel is not the most mentally stable of Elves.'

'We Elves aren't exactly known for our mental stability,' said Elrond, shaking his head.

oOo

Glorfindel worked away at an amazing pace. His wrath, once kindled, did not burn out quickly, and Elladan and Elrohir soon lost all hope of him forgetting about the incident.

On the first day of school, Elrond walked into his study to find Glorfindel already there, setting up a large chalkboard, taping cardboard over the windows so that his pupils could not get distracted, and laying by a large store of switches.

'Hello, Lord Elrond,' he said cheerily, between clenched teeth. Elrond, able to tell that Glorfindel's anger was now directed solely at his twin sons, decided it was safe to speak.

'Good morning, Glorfindel,' he said, smiling wanly. 'What time will you need the children in the classroom?'

'By seven o'clock sharp,' said Glorfindel. 'I want my class run with order and promptity!'

'I… don't think that's a word,' said Elrond hesitantly.

'The word you are groping for is "promptness",' Erestor supplied from over by the bookshelves, where he was searching for a History of Harad.

'Thank you, Erestor,' said Glorfindel, wiping down the chalkboard with unnecessary vigor. 'You're not at all distracting.'

'There's one thing,' Elrond said, lifting a finger and hesitating slightly.

'What is it?' glowered Glorfindel, not looking up from his work.

'A student had to be added to the class,' said Elrond miserably.

'WHAT?' screeched Glorfindel. 'I already have THREE!'

'I know,' said Elrond, 'But King Thranduil has insisted that Legolas come also. He says he needs a good education.'

'But-'

'He'll pay you well,' said Elrond, 'In gems, he says. Wouldn't that be nice, Glorfindel?'

'Well-'

'I know he's younger than the twins and older than Estel, and you'll have to teach three different age groups, but-'

'No, I won't,' Glorfindel snapped. 'I'm going to make Estel and Legolas keep up with the twins. If they're going to be in my class, then they'd better be worthy of it.' He stomped over to Elrond's desk and rifled through the drawers for a pen and ink.

Elrond did not object. At least the blonde balrog slayer was not making a bigger ado about the situation. He was grateful for that.

* * *

_Author's Note: Two chapters, guys. Two chapters, and this story has 29 reviews, 15 followers, 11 favourites, and is part of 3 communities. I am so proud of myself. And I am also SO ASHAMED OF MYSELF. I have not updated since February. O.O SORRY! I am sincerely sorry. From my heart! *wonders if anyone will even bother to read this anymore* Thank you, faithful followers! I really do appreciate you! (i almost cried when I re-read all your beautiful reviews on this story... :3) I'll try to be a more frequent updater in the future... *flies away with cape flapping behind me* I hope you liked this new chapter, although it is a little short. :)_


	4. Glorfindel Wishes he was Dead

**Chapter 4. Glorfindel Wishes he was Dead**

'Er, Glorfindel,' said Elrond, tapping him on the shoulder a short while later, 'I have more news.'

It was Glorfindel's turn to jump four feet in the air. (Although never as talented at jumping as Elrond, he had won several awards as a child for his impressive high jump at various Arda Junior Olympic Games.) 'What news?' he said, whirling around.

'There are two more students for you,' said Elrond, coughing nervously. 'Haldir has sent-'

'What?' screamed Glorfindel.

'Let me finish!' said Elrond. 'Haldir has sent Orophin and Rumil to Rivendell so that you can teach them-'

'But they're too old for school!' Glorfindel protested.

'I SAID LET ME FINISH!' shouted Elrond. 'Ahem. He sent them because he says they're immature and need to grow up some.'

'Oh,' said Glorfindel, blinking. 'That is true...'

'So prepare two new seats,' said Elrond, strutting out. 'If any new pupils arrive, I shall contact you immediately.'

Glorfindel's shoulders slumped. His Elven knees gave way, and he sank to the floor and buried his face in his hands. 'Why does everything happen to _meeeeeeee_?' he moaned.

Elrond snickered and quickly left Glorfindel alone with his misery.

oOo

Glorfindel's misery wasn't very good company, so he quickly dispelled it (or expelled it, as he liked to think; he suddenly had a great liking for the word 'Expel'. It might get him out of a few scrapes throughout this school year…) and finished scrubbing the blackboard. It was almost seven o'clock, and he wanted to start on time.

Elladan and Elrohir, although they hated Glorfindel, did not want to get Fs on their report cards. Elrond was a rather strict father, and often limited delectables when his sons did not live up to his high ideals. So when they heard the bell ring they reluctantly but instantly dropped their plunger arrows and ran for Elrond's study.

Glorfindel stood there behind Elrond's desk, banging on a gong as if no one had ears to destroy the hearing out of, anyhow. He scowled sourly when they entered and put it down, to their infinite relief.

'Where is Estel?' he asked.

'I don't know,' said Elladan.

'Where are the Lothlorienites?' he snapped.

'I don't know,' said Elladan.

'Where is that Thranduillion?' he frowned.

'I don't know,' said Elladan.

'Three wrong answers,' said Glorfindel, banging his hand on his desk. 'You, my boy, get an F MINUS.'

Elladan was about to protest, but just then the four others tramped in, distracting the teacher, to his great relief.

'You four are late!' yelled Glorfindel.

'Um,' said Estel, raising his hand.

'NO QUESTIONS,' Glorfindel ordered. 'Everyone into your seats! I'M running this class, and when **I **run a class, everyone listens to ME! Understood? If there is any misbehavior, be it known that I will not hesitate in the least to use a rod on any of you- that includes you, ya snooty prince.'

None of them liked the sound of this, but they all wisely remained silent.

'I wouldn't have to do this if it weren't for you idiots,' Glorfindel ranted. 'You'd better pay attention or I'll give you all Fs!'

The room was dead quiet, so Glorfindel assumed they were all listening. Probably not the wisest assumption to make.

'Today we are going to learn about polygons and triangles and stuff like that,' he said authoritatively, getting out a piece of chalk. 'Look here. THIS is a triangle. THIS is a quad- Yes, what is it, Rumil?'

'This is way too easy,' said Rumil, flipping his hair. 'I learned this years ago!'

'Then why did Haldir send you back to school?' said Glorfindel bitingly. 'I was told it was because you were immature.'

Rumil jumped to his feet. 'IS THAT WHY HE SENT US? DID YOU HEAR THAT, OROPHIN?' (Of course, Orophin didn't.) 'HE LIED TO US! HE TOLD US IT WAS BECAUSE IT WOULD HELP US GET A JOB-'

'Well, that could be more or less true,' said Glorfindel dryly.

'I thought it would be, like, college, and we'd get, like, a degree,' Rumil grumped, flopping back into his seat. 'I am so gonna kill Haldir when I see him again...'

'Well you won't see him again until we finish class,' said Glorfindel snappishly. He still was mad about the whole situation, and he meant to bear down hard on the them all, them being the cause of his present circumstances. 'As I was saying. Quadrilateral. Pentagon. Hexagon. Octagon. This-'

'You skipped seven-sided!' yelled Estel.

'Just because I let Rumil get away with talking without raising his hand just now does not mean I will always be so soft,' said Glorfindel, who in truth had actually just forgotten to get mad at Rumil for that. 'Raise your hand before you speak. Yes, I see your hand is raised. What do you want now?'

'You skipped seven,' said Estel again.

Glorfindel stomped behind the blackboard, pulled at his hair for a minute, and went back to the desk, calmed slightly.

Slightly.

'Let us continue,' he said coldly.

oOo

The first day of math was not pleasant. Not for anyone involved. Elrond peaked in at about ten o'clock, and what he saw gave him great misgivings about the rest of the school year; but he didn't intervene. He supposed that if he did then he'd end up having to take care of it all the time, and he was probably right.

Glorfindel's hair was probably a lot thinner by the time he was finally giving assignments, for he had been tearing at it all morning.

'Class,' he said, 'here is the question for you to think about. Elladan and Elrohir decided to light the schoolhouse on fire.' Guilty looks were exchanged between those two miscreants. 'The schoolhouse was round, and El-'

'No it wasn't,' objected Estel. 'It was square.'

'I know, Estel,' said Glorfindel, trying to be patient, 'but for the sake of… of… of math, let's say it's round. Now, Elladan lit a 209 degree sector of it on fire. How much was there left for Elrohir to light on fire?'

'Answer C,' yelled Legolas.

'What?' said Glorfindel.

'I dunno, I just yelled out a guess,' said Legolas, shrugging.

'Legolas, C isn't even a number,' said Glorfindel.

There was a silence. Then Elladan began to snicker.

'Stop it,' Legolas pouted. 'It's not my fault I never learned anything.'

'What makes you think that?' asked Glorfindel.

'My tutor always gave me perfect grades,' said Legolas.

'What a terrible tutor,' said Rumil. 'Why did he do that?'

'Because I bribed him,' said Legolas.

'O.o,' said Rumil. 'No wonder your dad sent you back to school.'

'No whispering in class!' yelled Glorfindel. 'Yes, Estel?'

'They weren't exactly whispering,' said Estel.

'No- see, look, look what you've taught Estel now,' said Glorfindel reprimandingly. 'You shouldn't put such ideas in his head.'

'Why, would you let him bribe you?' said Elrohir innocently.

Glorfindel scowled. 'IF YOU DON'T ALL SHUT UP,' he shrieked.

'Is something the matter?' asked Elrond, who had decided it was time to intervene.

'Uh, no,' said Glorfindel, who wasn't very good at lying.

'Oh good,' said Elrond, looking at the row of innocent faces. Well, five of them attempted to look innocent. Orophin didn't. He just looked zoo-y. He hadn't answered a single question all class long. Elrond chose to ignore Orophin, and left, hoping there would be no major mishaps.

Glorfindel wearily wiped off the blackboard. 'Class dismissed,' he said. 'Your assignments are here on the desk. And if you don't have that problem answered by tomorrow, I'm giving everyone F Minus!'

'There isn't even an F Minus,' said Rumil.

'Shut up, you talk too much,' said Glorfindel.

He sighed, and trotted wearily to his room where he would finally get some rest. Teaching school was exhausting.

* * *

_Author's Note: Well, how do you like it? :3 I know it's been a long time in coming. But I hope you enjoy! Thank you for reading, and please review! _


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